The Day I Was Dumped Via Instant Message

by Nora on February 27, 2014

I am now the casualty of three major relationship breakups in my last seven years of full-time travel. Is it because of my travel lifestyle? The first one may have been, but the second one wasn’t quite (although our time apart seemed to be the catalyst for infidelity – and resulting pregnancy), and this latest one also wasn’t quite; however the method of dumping – instant message – was a function of distance…in a few ways.

 

Sh*t Happens While You’re Busy Making Plans

I loved him, and I know he loved me. We are both hurt by how everything went down, and there are always two sides to the story.

Regardless of whether we were meant to be, we were both dealt a pretty crappy deal in the last year or so of our two-year interlude. I haven’t written (and won’t write) about the myriad of personal ugliness that happened, but I did share some of the tragedies that befell us such as the head-on collision and theft by a house-guest.

 

I spent a lot of time wondering whether these (and more, many more) incidents were a function of sh*t happening while we were busy making dreamy plans, or a long-established precedent of his.

The jury is still out, but I will say this relationship held some of the most amazing highs I’ve ever experienced, along with the most agonizing lows I could imagine. It makes my marriage and ensuing divorce (dating back to a time before I started traveling) look like a cakewalk.

 

 

Getting Dumped is Complicated.

Our house-sitting gig in Panama was meant to be a relaxing retreat for us given a hellish year in 2013. However instead of it being relaxing, it was a pressure cooker. It culminated in our separating on New Year’s Eve on the back of one too many catastrophic fights, with him returning to Grenada while I stayed in Panama to finish house-sitting, then traveled to Florida to decompress in the loving arms of some friends.

 

I’m am NOT (with big capital letters) an on-again off-again sort of person, but in keeping with this entire relationship that broke most of my precedents, we left the door open to make things work. But first, we both needed time apart to get our bearings and our respective lives together.

The last words I told him a few weeks ago (via instant message, which was our main mode of informal conversation whilst apart) were “I love you”, before he launched into a series of tirades on me out of the blue that were indicative of just how many ways we couldn’t see eye-to-eye. Somewhere in his diatribe were also the words “it’s done bye bye Nora” and “please don’t reply”.

 

He was also drunk.

 

 

The Perils of Instant Messaging

Most people will agree this was a coward’s approach to ending a relationship. But because he was drunk, it’s possible he spoke (I mean, wrote) out of line. Given the things he wrote however, there is no going back.

 

This is one of the perils of instant messaging. It’s too easy to write in haste and press send without thinking it through. When you’re face-to-face with somebody (or on a video call, or even on the phone), you’ve got to deal with the immediate consequences of what you are saying in seeing and hearing the other person’s response. With instant messaging (or text, or even email), you can say all kinds of hurtful things and wash your hands of it. Done.

 

But this instant message culture of ours poses an even bigger problem culturally and socially. His daughter used to tell me to text her – from the other room – when dinner was ready. I’ve watched entire groups of adolescents sitting together, focused solely on their devices, telling the world at large what a great time they’re having – doing nothing with the friends in front of them. Interpersonal communication is being lost.

 

And it’s not just teenagers; adults do it too, texting while driving, surfing at dinner tables in restaurants, and, as I’ve discovered, ending relationships via instant message.

 

It’s changing the very nature of the english language, with smiley faces, LOL, and other abbreviations becoming commonplace. I’m seeing professional communication come through my email with bastardizations like “thru” and the occasional uncapitalized “i”, indicating a general laziness and most likely something typed with thumbs on a mobile device. And this is becoming acceptable.

 

As a writer and lover of language, this ires me to no end.

But I’m no angel either.

 

 

Homeless Again….But Not So Happy About It

So where does all this leave me? Well, if you’ll recall, I had designs on a home base in Grenada, and despite an initial crisis of conscience with my evolution from full-time travel to something a wee bit different, I was ready for it, and very happy to have a place called “home” that I could travel from.

That home has now been ripped out from under me, and I’m homeless again. This time however, I’m feeling a wee bit lost.

 

What it does mean is that I’m going to pay special attention to slow travel, personal time, and doing what I want, where I want. I’m embracing the freedom I had lost in trying to assimilate my travel style and preferences with a partner who wasn’t quite on-board with it, in a variety of ways.

 

People say that long-term travelers are either running away from something, or looking for something. I’m not sure if that diagnosis is accurate on the whole, but if I’m looking for something, that something may well now be a place to call “home”.

 

 

It’s For the Best….Really

…and no, this isn’t a justification. The confidents in my life to whom I’ve spilled the beans are gobsmacked at what I endured throughout the course of this relationship. And I haven’t even told them everything. It wasn’t pretty.

I could go on. But I won’t.

Suffice it to say, it’s been a slice, and a learning experience extraordinaire. And with each passing day, I am recapturing my freedom, confidence, and even my wanderlust for new slow travel experiences.

 

And as they say – onwards and upwards!

 

 

What are your thoughts on this instant message culture of ours? 

 

 

{ 79 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Miki February 27, 2014 at 1:04 pm

Better to reflect back that you did, rather than that you didn’t. You tried and he just wasn’t up to your caliber. I think the universe is telling you that you are made for better things. Although I wish you’d call Florida home :), I can’t help but be excited about your future adventures overseas. As for people who hide behind computer screens and smart phones…whether done out of drunkenness, haste or cowardliness…it’s pathetic and I say you are better off leaving such immaturity behind. Besides, I’m sure the majority of the male population would like to send him a Thank You text to him right now, lol!

Reply

2 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:01 am

Miki – Ha ha….I’m imagining the ex getting all these “thank you”s from unknown numbers! 😉

Reply

3 a. j. mccray March 10, 2014 at 10:26 pm

Nora, I am soooo sorry for the pain you experienced with your husband. I am glad I took time to read this. You have been so selfless with your time, travels, and writing to share your most private moments, good and bad, with all of us. It makes my heart ache too. I will certainly be praying for you. 1Corinthians 1:2-4 is a verse that consoled me when I had cancer, and my husband&me broke up at a time when I needed him most! We reconciled years later, however, he is now dead. Like you, I have time to travel, but mine is for a different purpose. more later Nora. You are a precious, and sensitive woman. Plz do not change that; it shows in your writing, and your heart for others! Be blessed!

Reply

4 Nora Dunn March 11, 2014 at 2:13 pm

Thank you so much, Sis McCray!

Reply

5 Deia @ Nomad Wallet February 27, 2014 at 5:15 pm

I’m sorry this happened to you. Sounds like you’re healing and doing well at it, too. I hope you get your bearings soon and find that home you want.

Reply

6 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:02 am

Thanks, Deia! In the initial days after the breakup, I felt much more “homeless” than I do even now. As time softens the hard edges of the past, so too does it help us look forward to the adventures that lay ahead. And my next adventure is just around the corner…I’m on the road again next week!

Reply

7 Lisa February 27, 2014 at 8:37 pm

Oh, Nora. I am so sorry. Lots of hugs and love from Victoria, Canada!

Reply

8 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:03 am

Thank you, Lisa!

Reply

9 Jo February 27, 2014 at 10:05 pm

Oh Nora……as if last year wasn’t bad enough. I am so sorry…… I did wonder about your relationship as you didn’t write anything about it really but thought he must have been paranoid about any publicity.
First things first. I have a lovely one bedroom condo which is empty at the present time and I would be delighted to have you as a guest. I won’t be back to Dallas until some time in May, I am paying the HOA fees whether I am there or not so no cost to me to have you there. All my things are new…bed, sheets, towels kitchen stuff etc….and it has a very prestigious address I’m told 😉 Its on the 14th floor….USA style. It’s on the 12th the way Kiwis do things..hahaha.
As for your ex’s daughter telling you to text her when dinner was ready….have to say that made me laugh!! What a brat!!
Let me know when you want to make my place your new temporary home 🙂
Lots of best wishes from NZ
Jo

Reply

10 Jo February 27, 2014 at 10:07 pm

PS. I use public transport there as won’t drive in the States and buses and metro are excellent. Lovely people in this condo building. Not pretentious at all!!

Reply

11 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:05 am

Hi Jo – Thank you so very much for your awesome offer! I should have let the news leak sooner, as I’ve had a couple of offers of places to stay for a refuge now! (smiles)
As it happens, I’ll be on the move again very soon…enroute to Peru. So I’m all good! But again…thank you! Happy travels….

Reply

12 Jo February 28, 2014 at 1:14 pm

I’m glad you have a couple of refuges Nora. However if you are ever heading towards Dallas and need a bed just email me…..you have my email address. My place is your place as a thank you for motivating me to start travelling again and helping with so many tips. I’m on my way to Vaughan Town in July for two more weeks of fun. I holidayed in South Carolina with 3 women I met at VT last year!! Thanks to you! My son lives in Dallas and would be delighted to give you a good time I’m sure 🙂

I heard on PBS today that there is an article in the Washington Post re being addicted to the Internet which sounded interesting. I have a number of email drafts written in anger and when slept on, not sent! It’s a good idea. Texts written in anger are too
dangerous.

Are you volunteering in Peru? That’s something I have plans for in the future. Good luck Nora.

Reply

13 Ana February 28, 2014 at 2:14 am

2013 was a hellish year in many ways for me too and I’m very sorry to hear about your challenges. Couples travel and living the location independent lifestyle together can work. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. Unfortunately, I have yet to have anything but disastrous long-term relationship experiences with my location independent lifestyle which I’ve been living for about 6 years now. A few rowing fights in the middle of China where a boyfriend (fellow traveler) and I lived and worked for a year comes to mind, plus a few nasty tiffs in the middle of South America with a different boyfriend (a local guy) who said he wanted to travel and live other places, but really just wanted me to stop traveling altogether.

I guess we just have to find someone who is totally on board with who we are the way that we are. Best to find another location independent one who has the same vision of life and living as we do then. I hope we both find it and everyone else who’s looking for it too finds it as well.

The textspeak is permeating all aspects of society. Too bad punctuation and grammar are things of the past. And never mind the nastiness of text message fights. Man, are they brutal or what? Geez. You’re right. Sometimes after one of those, there is no going back.

Reply

14 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:11 am

Hi Ana – Indeed, it seems that the most successful traveling couples I’ve met are those who are both digital nomads with careers they can work on the road. I haven’t been with anybody like this yet. I still think it’s possible to slice the travel lifestyle many different ways, but the flexibility – and discipline, and understanding – to work at a location independent career is something that only other location independent people truly understand.

Reply

15 Fab February 28, 2014 at 5:11 am

Hi Nora,

in Italy, there is an old saying which goes:

“Bisogna baciare molti rospi prima di trovare un Principe”

=

“You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a Prince”

( the same is true for men!! )

Hence, the most important thing is that you have learned a lot about the subject and above all about you!!

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” by Lao Tzu

http://thinkexist.com/quotation/knowing_others_is_wisdom-knowing_yourself_is/148363.html

Obviously, if you want to speed up the learning process in any field, you need a good coach who is specialized on that particular subject!

“Everybody needs a coach” by Eric Schmidt, Google CEO.

( there is an interesting video on Youtube! )

It only depends on our choices!

As far as “instant messages”, I dislike them!!

I don’t even own the smart phone and I’ll never buy one!!

For me, less useless electronic gadgets is simply more!

All the very best for the new chapters of your life!!

Fab

PS new business and idea life for you! English teacher in Corsica for one/two years and you’ll find your French soulmate!!

Reply

16 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:13 am

Hi Fab,
Thank you very much for your kind and inspired words. I do love Corsica….maybe I’ll find another kind of love there too….you never know! (In the meantime, I’m sooooo not looking; I need a little more “me” time first).

Reply

17 Adrienne February 28, 2014 at 7:59 am

That took real courage to write. It’s a shame that your relationship ended in such a way, and I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

However, as a traveller myself, I really appreciate that you show the ups and the downs of a travel lifestyle – so many people romanticise it and leave out the more difficult parts. It’s a similar phenomenon to people only posting the good stuff on social media networks.

Depersonalisation is something we have to fight against, I think, and your situation is a good example of why we should be vigilant and work to cultivate true relationships. I love that I can use technology to easily keep in touch with friends, family, and clients from all over the world, but I love seeing them in person even more.

Take care of yourself.

Reply

18 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:21 am

Hi Adrienne,
I can’t deny that the existence of instant messaging has helped me stay close with my family and friends with the ability to easily chat and send pictures and share in each others’ lives without the formality of “scheduling” calls (or at least to stay in touch between said scheduled calls).
But you’re also right – there is a depersonalisation angle to it to be aware of.

Also – when it comes to communicating via distance with loved ones, we have to be careful about not only leaning on them for help or support; they’re not with us to see and share in all the good times, and if we only share the bad times with them in search of advice and support, it’s a drain on everybody.

Reply

19 Ross February 28, 2014 at 9:23 am

Well written on such a personal subject. I hope you all get over it soon. Plenty more fish out there.

Reply

20 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:22 am

Thank you Ross – and agreed!

Reply

21 Turner February 28, 2014 at 9:28 am

I just finished reading Alone Together, covering this very topic. The one bright side we can say is that it appears adults and even children haven’t quite figured out how to handle this disconnect between online and offline activity. In other words, we may actually get to the point where we withdraw a bit. Even teenagers who have grown up with texting and social media seem to wish there was another way.

Reply

22 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 11:26 am

Hi Turner – That’s news to me that kids who have grown up with social media are looking for alternatives. The worst punishment my ex’s daughter could ever be dealt was to have her phone taken away from her. She was truly lost without it. (Scary).

But I agree there is a pendulum to swing back and forth a bit before we as a society find a workable middle ground. The increasing existence of digital detox vacations is a barometer of a universal desire to disconnect – but a lack of knowing how to do it without physically removing ourselves from familiar surroundings, and having somebody “force” us to stay offline.
It makes our connectedness seem more like an addiction, doesn’t it?

Reply

23 Steve February 28, 2014 at 12:16 pm

The word instant says it all. We use messaging services to write down what is immediately in our heads which most of the time is the incorrect thing to say. I know this to my cost as I lost a good friendship through not thinking.

Reply

24 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 4:33 pm

Hey Steve,
Sadly, yours is not the only story of its kind. I’ve learned – the hard way – that anything written out of emotion requires a night of sleep first and a re-read in the morning. Sometimes just the writing of something like that is therapeutic enough, without being sent.

Reply

25 John Lewis February 28, 2014 at 1:42 pm

Nora, I also am currently in the Dallas area. Should you take Jo up on her offer (assuming I am here then) contact me and I will teach you how to Scuba dive. I have teacjhing certs from two–soon to be three–International agencies in that sport.

Meanwhile, continue to think of your penguins or my platypus to put a smile on your face.

Reply

26 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Ha ha – yes, the platypus! Always gets a smile.
Thanks for the offer – in fact I’ll be in Peru very shortly, so no Dallas for me. And I also have my Padi, however I haven’t used it in ages.
Speaking of which, I don’t suppose you’d like a lovely brand new (used once) snorkel and mask? I’m not taking it with me beyond Florida….unfortunately (for you) they’re pink…. 🙂

Reply

27 John Lewis February 28, 2014 at 4:59 pm

Thanks…I have plenty. As to your old PADI…nobody’s perfect (lol).

Reply

28 Kate February 28, 2014 at 2:04 pm

Love you AND we all love you in Toronto xxx

Reply

29 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm

Yay! And the feeling is reciprocal – which you should know is true since I’m coming to Toronto soon, DESPITE WINTER……eek!

Reply

30 tammyonthemove February 28, 2014 at 3:53 pm

You poor thing. I am really sorry about that. That’s a really cowardly way to dump somebody, so you definitely deserve better than that!

Reply

31 Nora Dunn February 28, 2014 at 4:39 pm

Thanks, Tammy! But don’t worry about feeling bad for me….it’s truly a blessing in disguise….and not even really that disguised to be honest!

Reply

32 Janine February 28, 2014 at 4:58 pm

I know you will be onto better and bigger things very soon! It just sucks.

Reply

33 Nora Dunn March 1, 2014 at 10:45 am

Thanks, Janine! I’m excited about the future.

Reply

34 Terri February 28, 2014 at 6:32 pm

This to shall pass, life goes on, more fish in the sea, always move forward, and the list goes on, but it doesn’t keep you from hurting. I remember following you just at the time of the wreck and I remember how your written voice seemed so content and in love. I hurt for your loss and I wish you the best in the future. Although my plans have not quite panned out after I became homeless, I have not forgotten your advice to not give up. I’m stationary for this year making the most out of the area I’m in. Lucky me landed in West Virginia with plenty of travel sights to explore. Remember, with friends you are never homeless or alone. As soon as I am situated in my own place you have an open invitation and a cold beer.

Reply

35 Nora Dunn March 1, 2014 at 11:09 am

Hi Terri,
Thank you! I’m glad that life has guided you to a nice spot where you feel comfortable; the “homeless” life isn’t always for all of us – or rather it’s not always for all of us all of the time. I’ve gone through periods where I’ve loved being on the road, and others where I’ve really needed some grounding and stability. I expect to continue to flip flop between these options as time goes on as well.
Even since I wrote this post, my need for “home” has dissipated as my feet have started to itch and I’ve become excited about future traveling options. And I make no apologies (not that I need to) for changing my story and desires – that’s what life it about! I consider myself lucky to have designed a life around such flexibility.

Reply

36 Jack Stekelenburg February 28, 2014 at 9:10 pm

Hi Nora
This very same thing happened to me a year ago. I was working on my companion’s house doing a renovation and I guess it wasn’t quite going the way she liked so instead of phoning and working it out she texted me and told me to take my tools out of her house along with a bunch of other unkind words. It was over. A relationship that should have lasted a lifetime: done.
What about sending a text to someone but it’s the wrong person. That too can be disastrous.
Nora, I’ve suggested other things that would be good to read, as I’m certain many people do, and now I’m going to give another suggestion, and this is good for everyone to read, and it’s Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay on “Self-Reliance”. You can google it.
Carry on
cheers
Jack

Reply

37 Nora Dunn March 1, 2014 at 11:11 am

Thank you, Jack – and I’m sorry you had a tough text-breakup as well.
Great point about texts going to the wrong person as well! Not to mention, sometimes you send a text to the right person but it never goes through. If the sender is breaking bad news, it can be just as agonizing for them to wonder if the recipient got the message!
Thanks for the reading recommendation. Will check it out.

Reply

38 Charli | Wanderlusters February 28, 2014 at 10:38 pm

The end of any relationship is always rife with turmoil and pain. In the modern world in which we live the ease of instant messaging has revoked our sense of courtesy, respect even. So sorry to hear that you’re tending a broken heart, but how exciting that the world is once again your oyster! Wishing you all the best for the next leg of your adventures!

Reply

39 Nora Dunn March 1, 2014 at 11:12 am

Thanks, Charli! I’m starting my new world explorations with an entire continent I seem to have managed to miss thus far: South America! Onwards and upwards!

Reply

40 Dave March 1, 2014 at 2:59 am

As one door closes another one opens

Which explains why my house is always cold in winter.

Thanks for sharing. I once received a text directing me to my email inbox where I was dumped. Would have been nicer if the email directed me to a website with a flashy graphic saying “you’re dumped” then at least she could have shown effort and creativity and I could have pretended it was a treasure hunt or something.

Thanks for continuing to inspire and if ever you find yourself in Cornwall feel free to holler

Reply

41 Nora Dunn March 1, 2014 at 11:16 am

Hi Dave,
I love your idea for a treasure-hunt-dump!
I must shamefully admit that after we separated I sent him a lengthy email trying to hash out some of our issues (and since he never checks his email I directed him to it via text); not much better than an instant-message-dumping I guess, but at that point we were newly separated – by an ocean no less. So maybe I asked for it in the end. I do love a little poetic justice and irony – even if it’s directed at me!

Reply

42 The Guy March 1, 2014 at 9:24 am

I’m really sorry to hear that your relationship has ended and what an impersonal way to end too. I hope you are not hurting too much.

From reading your reflections it sounds as though the relationship was full of challenges. I hope that the next one for you is full of more highs than the lows. They can certainly be rollercoasters.

I think we can all relate to your observations of modern technology and how people let it take over your lives. I agree with you about the art of writing words and phrases correctly. I may not be good at it but at least I value doing things correctly.

Take care and I hope that life throws you a good turn of events in the coming months.

Reply

43 Nora Dunn March 1, 2014 at 11:18 am

Thanks, Guy – and I do believe I’ve turned a corner for the better. Putting 2013 behind me was the beginning, and despite some ugly events carrying through to 2014 – I have a totally different take on this year; one of hope and excitement.

Reply

44 Lainie Liberti March 1, 2014 at 11:41 am

Yikes Nora. I am so sorry this was your experience.
But what I love about your writing is how you so succinctly share how you process each experience and somehow seem to make sense of all of it. It’s a wonderful skill adding perspective to your life and travels, expressed through your writing. Thank you for that.

I wanted to let you know, at times digital break-ups were the only option. Last year the man I was involved with lived full time in Europe and I lived in South America. He came to spend a month at time with me, however, with many months in between. However, I found out through facebook chat that he was married. (A slight detail he forgot to tell me when we were together) So, then and there, I ended it with him through facebook chat.

Sometimes it’s just how it’s done.

Wishing you a happy and exciting year ahead!!

Reply

45 Nora Dunn March 2, 2014 at 5:11 pm

Hey Lainie,
Wow – what a deception! Good thing you found out eventually, before becoming too terribly entangled. Long distance relationships are never easy, especially when marriage is involved! And you’re right; when there’s distance we end up relying on all things digital much more.

Reply

46 Yvonne Holcombe March 1, 2014 at 2:58 pm

Oh Nora – a big hug from me. <3
Reading between the lines – things did not flow.
Love IS blind.
Sometimes new beginnings are disguised as painful endings.
It was not meant to be.
You have many people who love and care about you. You need time to heal & you will be OK 🙂

Reply

47 Nora Dunn March 2, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Thanks, Yvonne! You’re right.
I hope your travels are taking you to exciting places!

Reply

48 Lisa @chickybus March 1, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I was sad to read this. Shame it went down the way it did. I don’t think it’s right to end a relationship via instant messaging–especially when there’s been a real relationship as you had (vs a few dates with someone).

In any case, from all that you’ve shared, I can see that you’ll bounce back quickly. Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be and now it’s time for a new adventure. Best of luck to you!

Reply

49 Nora Dunn March 2, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Thanks, Lisa! Indeed, I’m bouncing back as best I can. Happy travels!

Reply

50 Raja Adnan Safdar March 2, 2014 at 5:22 am

Its always difficult to leave someone behind who supposed to be with you. Specially when both of you love each other and meant to be together. Anyways I hope you ll get out of it soon and have a better future 🙂

Reply

51 Nora Dunn March 2, 2014 at 5:14 pm

Hi Raja,
Done – and done! 🙂

Reply

52 Sheralyn March 2, 2014 at 10:44 pm

Break-ups suck! How cowardly to do it via messaging too! So sorry to hear about this – with any luck, exploring Peru will be a good distraction.

Reply

53 Nora Dunn March 3, 2014 at 12:05 pm

Hey Sheralyn,
Indeed! I’m stoked for Peru….and the blessing is that now I can go there with a free mind and agenda. Silver linings!

Reply

54 Anna March 3, 2014 at 8:34 am

Oh god, I hate texting someone and not seeing how they are processing it, the reaction, wondering if what you’re saying is being misinterpreted and not having a chance to clarify it with your facial expression and body language. Unfortunately, as I now live thousands of miles away from most of my friends, text (WhatsApp) and gchat are my main modes of communication. It’s nerve-wrecking.
Best of luck with your recovery and rediscovery, and finding a home 🙂

Reply

55 Nora Dunn March 3, 2014 at 12:10 pm

Hi Anna,
Indeed I keep in touch with my own family & friends mainly by messaging as well; and it’s so easy for misinterpretations to happen (I’ve dealt with a few via email)….but I’m generally now attentive to making sure that at least we’re on a video call for any serious conversations.

Reply

56 Daynne@TravelnLass March 4, 2014 at 8:49 pm

Good-NESS – what a %#&@!!! year! So very much I’d like to say, but better I keep it simple:

Nora my dear, trust me – it can.only.get.better.

Reply

57 Nora Dunn March 5, 2014 at 12:26 pm

Thanks Dyanne…..and I know it! Things are lookin’ up. 🙂

Reply

58 Susan @ Travel Junkette March 6, 2014 at 8:19 pm

Hey Nora: Awful story, but as evidenced by your post, you clearly aren’t going to let this hold you down for long! I wish you the best of luck in finding your path. Thanks for the honesty and insight on a very important topic. xoxo

Reply

59 Nora Dunn March 6, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Thank you, Susan! I’m glad you see it as an important topic….and I think we’re all busy finding our path, which tends to meander. I’m enjoying the scenery as much as I can!

Reply

60 Tim March 10, 2014 at 8:44 pm

Hey Nora,
Sorry to hear about your break-up. As far as digital communications… my daughter and son-in-law recently came for a visit and I suggested we play a game. In the end we all ended up playing the same game game on different devices sitting in the same room. But it wasn’t even a multi-player game! It was a puzzle type game and so we were all on different levels at the same time. Not the same feeling as the old fashioned board game at all. Some connection was lost. I feel sorry for this generation for what they are missing.

Reply

61 Nora Dunn March 11, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Hi Tim,
I’m still a lover of board games and cards, although it does seem to be increasingly harder to find people to play with. (And it’s easier to play on our devices).
However I will admit I do enjoy playing some games via smartphone with my family and friends abroad – some of which are digitized versions of our favourite board games that we coordinate and play “live”. It’s still not as good as the real thing, but it’s not bad when a few thousand miles separate the players.

Reply

62 Prime March 11, 2014 at 12:30 am

Hi Nora,

First, I’m sorry for your loss. No one deserves that and especially not someone as nice as you. Having said that, I always believe that God(dess) has a better plan and if this this didn’t work out, it just means that there’s always something better, more aligned to your higher purpose (believe me, I’ve been there, major shitload happened to me in 2013 = http://solofemaletravel.net/letting-go/)

As for break up via IM, well, I never thought that I will say this but here it goes: ” And I thought I’ve seen everything”. I personally know people who broke up or get dumped via text message, e-mail message and via pager (yes this was way back in the 1990s), but reading your post just proved that some people are not really worth it.

Reply

63 Nora Dunn March 11, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Hi Prime – That heart chakra is a difficult one, isn’t it?! 😉 Sorry you had a bad year in 2013; it seems to have been a bit of a phenomenon. And although the IM method of dumping was certainly a surprise, I’ll be it’s becoming increasingly more common. Like some commenters have said above – it started with “dear John” letters, then answering machines, email….and on it goes. There’s always a way to avoid confrontation. IM is just the latest incantation!

Reply

64 debbie ann March 11, 2014 at 4:46 am

sure sounds like you are better off without him, but I know, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I’m sorry for your pain – sounds like you are doing some good healing.

I have seen several travelling couples breakup – and one thing it seems to me – it is much harder to make it work in your 20s/30s/40s. We are a travelling couple – but both in our 50s – and basically I’m the trailing spouse -which is a great deal for me – I don’t have to work and have no pets/kids/plants/classes – so I’m free to go anywhere at anytime – and my partner works, and his work moves us around (because we want to move around and it benefits them). It works for us, but I can see it wouldn’t work for everyone. Robyn of EatingAsia seems to make it work w her partner – but like you said- they both have digital/travel jobs. Plus, you can never tell from the outside.

Looking forward to reading about your new adventures.

Reply

65 Nora Dunn March 11, 2014 at 2:28 pm

Hi Debbie Ann,
You bring up a great point about never knowing from the outside what a relationship is really like. Regardless of a traveling lifestyle or not, I know a lot of “happy” couples that I wouldn’t want to trade places with. You never know what goes on behind closed doors….

Reply

66 Chris March 11, 2014 at 8:05 am

Hi Nora,
I think you are lucky to be out of that relationship. Things are looking up.

Reply

67 Nora Dunn March 11, 2014 at 2:50 pm

Thanks Chris,
Looking up – literally! I’m currently 4,000metres above sea level in the Peruvian Andes!

Reply

68 Jaemy March 11, 2014 at 11:08 am

I’m so sorry about the bad stuff. I’m so glad about the good stuff! Breakups are uncool, as everybody knows, but I hope it will bring you to some amazing personal empowerment feelings, and great growth, and future health and happiness.

I am saddened by the device-focused new culture (subculture?), and the professional and personal misuse of letters and words, as I am also a great lover of them, and have been since I was very small. I still write letters by hand, though mostly to my boyfriend who stayed in the States. However, in the interest of saving time and money, I photograph them, convert them to .pdf, and then email them to him! Brilliant, I know. 😉

Also, you are coming to Peru! I am in Peru! I haven’t quite been able to work out professional hobo for life things, but I did get a part time job, saved up for 3 months, and am staying cheaply in Lima as I do volunteer work, search for English tutoring jobs (which have the most flexibility, and I have some health problems to take care of right now), and feeling mostly satisfied with how I spend my time, and the few hundred dollars I have left in my bank. Fingers crossed that it will last long enough for me to get my citizenship (my mom was born here) and that I will be able to find cheap secrets and lucky opportunities to hobo it up into the forseeable future!

Thanks so much for imparting all of your wisdom, and giving us tips and tricks to make our own journeys less scary, less lonely, and more efficient. Yay, efficiency!

Reply

69 Nora Dunn March 11, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Hi Jaemy,
What a journey you’re on yourself! I’m now in Peru, but not in Lima. 🙁 I’ve just arrived in Pisac and am loving it. I hope you get your citizenship soon!
Great tip about hand-writing and scanning your letters! Ha ha!

Reply

70 A Cook Not Mad (nat) March 13, 2014 at 9:04 am

As they say “What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger”. We had a horrible 2013 as well but I still have hope that 2014 will turn everything around. Hope Peru is good to you. Safe travels.

Reply

71 Nora Dunn March 13, 2014 at 1:41 pm

Thanks Nat! 2014 is already a much better year….and sometimes, it has more to do with attitude than events. Looking out at my Peruvian landscape though, I know I’m in the right place! 🙂
And to you as well….I wish you a much better year in 2014 – and beyond!

Reply

72 sabine March 13, 2014 at 10:48 am

Getting dumped by text sucks but it could be worse. I got dumped and he didn’t even bother to send me atext message. He just stopped contacting me and left me to figure it out. 🙁

Reply

73 Nora Dunn March 13, 2014 at 1:42 pm

Sabine,
Ouch! That was rough. Talk about wanting to avoid confrontation at all costs…..I’m sorry for your loss. Onwards an upwards!

Reply

74 mister March 13, 2014 at 2:39 pm

Oh well…Forgive and forget. Let’s do what we do best.
Let’s travel Nora, let’s travel.

Reply

75 Nora Dunn March 14, 2014 at 11:01 am

Amen to that, Mister!

Reply

76 Tracey - Life Changing Year March 30, 2014 at 5:23 am

So it’s a few weeks later and this still annoys me. You’re a much better person than I am to take it all so philosophically!

Reply

77 Nora Dunn March 30, 2014 at 3:14 pm

Tracey – Ha ha! There’s not much other way to take it, I figure! It’s counterproductive to focus on anger and victimization (although having said that, I’ve had my days – believe ME! – but I’m moving past it). 😉

Reply

78 frances william May 5, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Hello Nora,

We just completed a house in Grenada and had a rough ride. I was excited about your plans for a retreat on the island. Trust you will return and complete your dreams.

Reply

79 Nora Dunn May 5, 2014 at 9:54 pm

Hi Frances,
I’m sorry you had a rough go building the house – what happened? Not so sure I’ll be returning to Grenada, but I may end up running a retreat elsewhere at some point. Stay tuned! 🙂

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: